LETTRE D'UN FRANÇAIS

Pour démontrer plus claii'ement aux Français qui compi^ennent l'anglais, les bizarreries de la langue française, j'ai composé la lettre suivante, qui est supposée être adressée par un Français qui est à Londres et qui ne comprend l'anglais qu'à l'aide constante du dictionnaire, à un Anglais à Paris, qui comprend mal le français.

J'ai introduit infiniment plus de proverbes et d'idiomes que ceux dont un Français se servirait dans un pareil cas pour amuser le lecteur et j'ai essayé de composer une réponse du même genre de la pai't de l'Anglais, employant autant de proverbes bizarres en anglais traduits mot à mot en français, mais, après avoir examiné environ deux mille proverbes anglais, je n'ai pas pu en trouver à mon grand regret de suffisants à se bien prêter au ridicule, peut-être c'est parce que je suis aveuglé par l'habitude, mais si un Français voulait bien m'en indiquer quelques-uns, je serais charmé de les mettre en évidence. Je suppose que mon Français, que j'appelle M. Le Poseur, quand il connaît un mot qui est en même temps anglais et français, mais dont le sens est différent comme sensible avec du bon sens (anglais) et sensible (français) sensitive, conclut sans regarder dans le dictionnaire que le sens est identique.

Grand Hôtel, London, 8 avril 1882.

My Brave,

As I thee promised I thee write to thee make part (pour te faire part) of my arrival at London after a passage rough across the Sleeve from the Havre (la Manche du Havre) and a \oyage rapid from Dover through a fine champagne sometimes savage (à travel's un belle campagne parfois sauvage) to the Babylon modern and we arrived at the hour where (l'heure où) we ought to reach the beware (gare).

My bagages were all right consisting of a sack of the night (sac de nuit) and a necessary of voyage both of which were visited to the Custom-house and I had nothing to declare. I got a confortable chamber in this Hôtel at the third (au troisième) where there was a large pla-

card (placard) in which I have furred all my habits (dans lequel j'ai fourré tous mes habits). They offered me a bonnet of night which many Englishmen carry to the bed (un bonnet de lit qu'ils portent au lit).

The circles (cercles) at London are ravishing, but I did not see the seven handsome Englishwomen in ten which M"- Taine observed ; perhaps he took them all with him to Paris.

I please myself here to wonder (à merveille), though I am sometimes at the end of my latin (au bout de mon latin) which often wounds my clean love (amour-propre) and pushes me good will bad will (me pousse bon gré mal gré) to the despair (au désespoir) especially your idiotisms which are my black beast (ma bete noire).

Instead of a good fortune (bonne fortune) for which I had hoped, I was exploited as I was not sufficiently on the who lives (qui vive) by a knight of industry (chevalier d'industrie) who appeared to me as it ought (me paraissait comme il faut) but as the waters were low at his house (les eaux basses chez lui) at the hosts table at this hotel. The slender (menu) was tempting and the pieces of resistance (pièces de résistance) were excellent but the entries (entrées), especially the cutlets in the manner of the female gardener (côtelettes à la jardinière) were inferior and the afternoons (relevées) bad, whilst the sugared between the meats (entremets sucrés) and especially the Russian Charlotte to the cream (Charlotte russe à la crème) left to desire (laissèrent à désirer) and they had no cureteeth (cure-dents); however I had a push coffee (pousse-café) on the field (surle-champ) of perfect love (parfait amour).

I felt myself like a flycatcher (gobe-m ouches) at being plundered by this droll man (drôle), but the fact is I was between the two wines (entre deux vins) and after he had debarrassed mé of some remnants (coupons) he evaded himself (s'évadait) in a blow of eye (dans un din d'œil).

I sent to the Prefect of Police as a last spring (dernier ressort) an exposure of the motives (exposé des motifs) on which I wished him to make pursue (faire poursuivre) the thief, but he has the sea to drink (la mer à boire) before he is likely to put the hand above (mettre la main dessus). However, if he is caught he shall be put in the doorkeepers lodge (la conciergerie) like prince Napoleon. In the interval, adieu the carriage, adieu the shop (adieu la voiture, adieu la boutique).

This pickpocket has certainly made his fat cabbages (fait ses choux gras), but probably he not know not (il ne sait pas) on which foot to dance (sur quel pied danser) and there is certainly one eel under rock (anguille sous roche). I have no doubt that some fine day he shall receive the attentions of the master of high works (le maître des hautes œuvres) mister of Paris (Monsieur de Paris).

I saw a number of men in the suburbs the other day by a brilliant sunshine (par un beau soleil), most of them without breeches (sans culottes), but they seem well fed as there are number of butchers (nombre de bouchers) in the locality. 1 bought five francs a curious knife (j'achetai cinq francs) . The butchers here do not take any enjoyment when they sell meat (ils ne prennent pas de jouissance) as at Paris. I did not see as many hills of piety (monts-de-piété) as in France, but they seem to sell many gratitudes (beaucoup de reconnaissances).

I went to the post remaining (poste restante) as I expected a sweet note (billet doux) addressed to me under my name of war (nom de guerre), but my fair friend left me on the pavement (me laissa sur le pavé), so I returned to my foot to earth (pied à terre).

I did see Her Highness the Prince of Wales to-day, accompanied by several courtesans (courtisans), she appears to be a happy father and often goes to foot (va à pied) and the sentinel presented her arms .

The Princess of Wales is said to be fond of his husband and has got over his confinement very rapidly.

I have just accused the reception of a letter from thy beautiful brother (beau-frère), in which he sent me an invitation through thy canal (par ton canal) to assist at a dancing tea (assister à un thé dansant) where I went after the spectacle where I have thought to thee all of a blow (où j'ai pensé à toi tout d'un coup), which was beast on my side (ce qui était bêle de mon côté).

The troop played with much of together (beaucoup d'ensemble), but the principal actress was too gross (trop grosse) and a lady who sat near of me was so sensible (sensible) that she shed tears. A good many of the cream of society assisted at the retaking of the Comedy of Money (la reprise de la comédie de Money), but there were also some of the Half World

970 LAKMES ET SOURIRES

(Demi-Monde) and the danghters of joy (filles de joie) who arrived after they played the to raise of the curtain (lever du rideau).

The hall (salle) is in a street which is a bottom of the bag (cul-de-sac) and when I went of it (quand je m'en allai) I could not see drop (je ne pouvais voir goutte) on account of the fog and the pavement was wetting himself (se mouillait).

I had to decline my name (décliner mon nom) before 1 could see my cousin Adolphe who has his moons (a ses lunes) and who I fear has a tooth against me (une dent contre moi),' Adolphe has executed himself (s'est exécuté) for a sum of à hundred francs which he me owed, and I did not wish to marry a quarrel (épouser une querelle). Adolphe has a great number of parents (parents). Her daughter was ravished of seeing me (fut ravie de me voir). I was of it seized Qen étais saisi) at meeting her again and gave her the in all case (en tout cas) which I brought for her. The room I observed was sense above below (sens dessus dessous). She is born in England there is sixteen years and I love her to the folly (je l'aime à la folie). I need to pain (à peine) add that you are often on the carpet (sur le tapis) and the younger children are pretty mustards (jolis moutards). Next morning I had a breakfast to the fork (déjeuner à la fourchette) in which I gave card white (carte blanche) to the boy (au garçon) who was aged about 50 years to bring me the choice of everything as I was head to head with my handsome father (j'étais téte-à-tête avec mon beau-père) and perhaps you will give me wrong (vous me donnerez tort) for this extravagance, but the mushrooms on roast bread (pain rôti) were excellent and the eggs at the shell (œufs à la coque) fresh, whilst the water of life (eau-de-vie) even when drunk with struck water (l'eau frappée) is detestable. However Bavarian women at two pence each (Bavaroises) is certainly an unusually low price.

When I went home I observed in Ihe ice (la glace) that my servant singed me (me singeait and I therefore thanked him (le remerciait) for his insolence and said there was no solidarity in our relations. It is sad to see so much deceit in the world and I by times (parfois) wish I was dead, but the sun and death cannot look at themselves fixedly (le soleil et la mort ne peuvent pas se regarder fixement),

I say to my ideal « and we can we not we we meet though we we seek (et nous, ne pouvons-nous pas nous rencontrer, quoique nous nous cherchions?) Let us return to our sheep (revenons à nos moutons) and let me tell thee that unfortunately I myself am broken the arm O'e me suis cassé le bras) so I can write no more, and I expect the médecine (médecin) to set him, I me smell very bad (je me sens très mal).

All to thee Ulysse, le Poseur.

P. S. — I received eight days ago one April fish (poisson d'avril) is it of thy part? (Estce de ta part?)

Thou say est that thou arrivedst at Paris there are seven days but as thou art set off (tu est parti) Monday the l^t at 6 afternoon and as thou writest to me on Monday the 8^^ at the same hour, we other French (nous autres Français) call this eight days and as thou me sayest (tu me dis) that thou shalt remain till Monday the IS^h (le quinze), at 6 of the afternoon, which thou callest a fortnight or 14 days, I must correct thee and tell thee that the period of twice eight days to us French is not 16 days nor 14 days, but the juste milieu of 13 days, for the French revolution has abolished in this respect the table of multiplication.